Hello Friends and Fellow Travellers,
It seems my attempt to drive a little engagement on the blog last week didn’t quite hit the mark, so Part Two of ‘Here Be Elephants’ will remain lost in the jungles of Sri Lanka for the time being. If you didn’t catch Part One, you can find it HERE. If it reaches twenty likes, I'll reveal the gripping conclusion!
Meanwhile, this week's newsletter comes from the serene Himalayan foothills of Dharamshala, and the quaint nearby village of Bhagsu.
As peaceful as this setting may be, travel in India often brings unexpected surprises – especially when it comes to the humble toilet experience! So, let’s flush away any hesitations and plunge into the adventure that awaits, one that’s equal parts illuminating and amusing.
International Man of Dysentery.
When the Bathroom Becomes a Battlefield.
It's fair to say that toilets in India aren’t always as straightforward as you'd expect. I first realized this when I approached a seemingly ordinary wall-mounted urinal in a rundown bus station restroom.
The porcelain looked the part, but as I stood there, happily relieving myself, I quickly realized no one had bothered to connect the plumbing. The stream was draining straight through – right onto my shoes!
The Dreaded Delhi Belly.
Whenever tummy turmoil strikes, I've so far been lucky to find a Western-style toilet in the nick of time. However, I knew that sooner or later, I'd have to face the traditional Indian toilet, affectionately known as "the squatter."
Little did I know what a challenging, and downright dangerous ordeal it would turn out to be!
Rainy Days and Casual Conversations.
Fast forward to today, where the persistent rain is just beginning to subside. I set off on the short hike to the village of Bhagsu to meet with Yano, a Thai monk spending the monsoon season in nearby McLeod Ganj.
Upon arrival at our rustic restaurant rendezvous, I see him engrossed in a lively conversation with a bohemian looking chap in a tie-dye t-shirt.
Yano introduces me to Jasper, a hippy philosopher from Lancashire. He has been enlightening Yano on the wonders of magic mushrooms, those funny little fungi with a knack for opening doors to alternate dimensions.
Have you experimented with psychedelics, Yano?” I ask, curious if a Thai monk would consider dabbling in mind-expanding substances.
“No, I have not, but from what Jasper is telling me, there are some parallels between psychedelic encounters and the teachings of Buddhism.“
“Yeah, that’s totally true,” said Jasper enthusiastically. “But Buddhism is like climbing the mountain one step at a time, whereas the mushroom trip is like taking a helicopter!”
Yano considers this for a second, then suggests that there are many important steps and realizations on the path to enlightenment.
“To get there too quickly could be very discombobulating,” he concludes.
I am impressed that he knows that word.
“That’s a really good word for a mushroom trip,” laughs Jasper.
Emptiness and a Sudden Eruption.
The conversation turns to the Buddhist concept of Emptiness, an idea notoriously difficult to comprehend. Yano and Jasper tackle it from their distinct perspectives. Suddenly, my stomach lets out an ominous gurgle.
I desperately try to suppress it, but it soon becomes clear that this is an emergency situation.
I make my excuses and rush off in a frantic search for the nearest facilities. When I find them, they are a ramshackle outhouse affair, with only one toilet on offer. I swing the door open, and to my dismay …
the dreaded squatter.
Taking a deep breath, I cautiously step inside, locking the door behind me.
I awkwardly assume the position, legs trembling in the unfamiliar stance. With one hand I brace myself against the wall for balance, my other hand flails about hoping to land upon a roll of toilet paper – but there is none to be found.
This is not uncommon in India, with locals preferring to wash after the deed is done. Often there will be a hosepipe with a spray nozzle attached, or more commonly, a basic bucket and tap, both for cleaning up, and for flushing.
Pro Traveller Tip: Always Have a Toilet Roll in Your Day Pack.
Sadly, this day, I did not heed my own advice.
I have no option – it’s nozzle time.
The first splash sends a burst of cold water across my naked buttocks, and a shiver throughout my entire body. Water goes everywhere, my pants and shoes are getting wet.
Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I detect movement. I whip my head around in horror to see a scorpion casually advancing towards me!
I am quite literally caught with my pants down.
In a state of panic, and with no other choice, I direct the nozzle toward the scorpion, unleashing a stream of water that propels the little beast against the toilet wall.
In one swift movement, I grab the empty bucket, and flip it over my venomous tormentor, thus trapping it beneath.
A Less Than Graceful Exit.
Soaked and bewildered, with adrenaline coursing through my veins, I take a few deep breaths to regain my composure.
As I emerge from the outhouse, wet and dishevelled, I see Jasper waiting outside with a mixture of concern and amusement on his face.
“What happened?” he asks. “Did you go for a swim?”
I can’t help but burst out laughing.
“Let’s just say that my first encounter with a squatter was much more of an adventure than I was prepared for,” I reply sheepishly. “And by the way, be careful picking up the bucket, there is a nasty surprise hiding underneath.”
Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this story, please like, share with friends, and leave a comment below, I'd love to hear your take!
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Grant.
and a very hilarious battlefield it is...